en numeris sita sunt

"En numeris sita sunt"




My newest ink addition; as soon as I get my A.A. Math degree. Oh yea. There's this C++ class standing between me and graduation. I've enrolled in it twice but dropped out both times.




The first time I lingered after class in Fall 2009 (a class in which I, as a female, was clearly in the minority. I think 3-4 women were accounted for in a class of twenty-something students. The professor asked me what kind of processor I was running and I said I didn't know. (I didn't even know what a processor was at the time). So the professor questioned my credentials to be in the class.




Let me tell you how deeply this offended me.




I got an A in the prerequisite class, Math 160. I felt comfortable with the material I had been taught and I had taken math classes almost every semester since High School graduation.




I was extremely embarrassed not to know the information requested and I no longer felt entirely capable of passing the class. I did not let my enthusiasm wane, however; I assured myself I was indeed capable of tackling the task at hand. And so I went for a week, it was probably closer to two, and I hit a wall in the information and I felt overwhelmed.




At this same time, issues in the enrollment process at ISU left me in tears parading around a campus I was unfamiliar with, requesting signatures, seriously a snot nosed mess. My original intentions when I started college were to become a teacher and I had changed to seeking a Mass Communication degree and an associates of math instead. I spoke with an advisor and he said I needed to drop the CSI class and take a class in the mass communication department that was offered at the same time because it was a prerequisite to most of the mass communication classes. I hated to drop the CSI class because it made it seem as if I had dropped out because I didn't think I could do it, but I switched classes.




In order to receive my tuition money from the government, the tuition department informed me I had to have each professor and the head of my department, the College of Arts and Sciences (of which Mass Communication is a parasitical child) sign a paper by the end of that day. The head of the Mass Communications department, my advisor, and one of my new professors, signed the sheet and initialled that I was enrolled in all the classes to save me the task of travelling between two different campuses to collect three additional signatures and turn them into the office by the end of the day, and assuring that both he and I knew I was really taking them all. I took the form to the secretary (I would say "administrative assistant" because secretary is the new "politically correct word" since "secretary" has way too many indecent office affairs connotations now, but this lady was my nemesis at the moment and "secretary" was ok to say back then) in the College of Arts and Sciences to get her bosses signature. She looked the paper up and down she looked at me with disdain and said who's signature is this. I told her whose it was, and informed her of my professor's credentials. She said, he can't sign for everyone. I informed her of the difficulty and the unavailability of time for me to acquire all the signatures, and assured her I was attending all the classes. She looked at me without an ounce of compassion in her eyes and said sorry, you have to have everyone else sign if you want this lady (the head of the College of Arts and Sciences department, whose signature was required) to sign your paper. Ridicules. I tried to protest, broke out in tears, left the office in a fit of frustration and defeat and called my dad as I angrily stormed across the campus, bawling my eyes out. I explained the situation to my dad and offered a couple of solutions. Drop out of school because I felt the entire education system had failed me, just take the classes I needed to get my math degree, (I only needed three math classes and one general) or suck it up, figure it out, and get the signatures necessary. My father advised I should just get my Math degree. I think my recent change in degrees had left him unsure of my capability to graduate. And he had good reason, switching degrees had tacked on years of education. I composed myself, thanked him for discussing the matter with me and helping me stop crying and stood in the middle of the Pocatello campus and had to decide right then what I would do.




I tracked down my professors, got the signatures, and turned the paper in indignantly and tried to ignore the secretary's smug smirk I couldn't help but see through my smeared makeup. With the certified paper in hand I had learned an even deeper hatred for a system I had only weeks earlier hoped to become a part of.




I since have tried to take the CSI class but it's never adequately fit into my schedule. There was another semester I enrolled and attended one class but it was a different professor and a different book (changed the same day as the class began) and I had no interest in spending another 200 dollars on another C++ book when it wasn't critical I took the class that semester so I dropped it.




Well, this next semester if i don't pass any other class, if I never go to school again after, I need to pass this class. And while I understand I am perfectly capable of passing the class, I can't help but feel apprehensive.




When I pass this class and finally overcome the obstacle which was placed before me years ago, I plan on getting a tattoo which reads "En numeris sita sunt." Or roughly, everything lies veiled in numbers. I have wanted the tattoo for a long while and I assured myself long ago I would give myself the permenant reminder of how it feels to know you are capable of overcoming obstacles as soon as I obtained my associates, and I felt the number reference was only fitting for a math degree.




I will have that tattoo in December of 2011. That is my biggest goal for 2011. Over everything else. And now, I'm off to work on a subgoal; fitness. Thanks for listening.