losing control

I hate days like today where I feel the stress of life breathing down my neck from the moment I wake up til the moment I finally crawly under those warm covers. I feel overwhelmed, like anything I accomplish is insignificant when compared with all the other problems I must deal with, & I just wanna give up. I keep having days like this more & more lately, & most of the stress stems from my inability to stay out of the red in my checking account.

This constant red is caused by
A) Not making enough money
B) Having way too much debt
C) Spending money I just don't have

I try & try & try & fail & fail & fail.

Sigh.

Skipped class today, felt guilty about that. Had to borrow money from my parents today becuase I blew all my money on California (& thought I had enough, but I forgot about a credit card payment), felt guilty about that. Didn't do any homework, felt guilty about that. Didn't have time to workout cause I was so busy trying to move, & didn't eat good cuz I had a sweet tooth, felt guilty about all that. Honestly, I wish I could find some SHRED of hope to cling to to help me not get so down & feel so HORRIBLE about EVERYTHING, but I don't even have the comfort of warm arms to look forward to. No; single, broke, depressed, & on the verge of tears. Welcome to my 2010.

Was looking forward to going tanning after work BUT my mom and I switched cars today & we couldn't switch back because of technical deficiencies & a lack of communication so since my tanning key is on my keys, & my mom has my keys, I can't go. Hmph. Ok, well, I had to bitch a bit, I feel like I have the world on my shoulders, & talking it out always helps. Since I have no one to talk to (sad) blogging is the next best thing. Thank you technology. Until another day,

xoxox
Sasha

Jillian Michaels Day 4

Ok, so I haven't done it yet on day 4 (I ran a 10k this morning and could not muster up the strength to do another workout right after) but I will as soon as I get off work. And I did do it three days consecutively so far!!! Gonna go tanning after work and then go do the DVD then a quick shower and it's beddy by time for me. I don't work or anything tomorrow, I'll do Jillian in the morning, pry go tanning again, then go pick up D and I have lots and lots and lots of cleaning to do tomorrow. Where I did the 10k today, I don't think I will do another workout other than Jillian tomorrow. Maybe D and I will go for a walk, but that would be it. I'm back down to where I was after my first week of the new year challenge (finally!) it only took me a week to lose it back, which is comforting at least. I really feel like I will FINALLY shed these twenty lbs this time. yayayayay.